My name is Fin Kingma. For a long time, I have seen myself as a motivation expert in the test world. A few months ago, this website used to send this message. Not anymore. The world is changing. And I am too.
Much has changed in recent times. Especially during the last year. As of a year ago, I am recovering from a burnout…
People who know me well won’t be surprised by this, this was something that just had to happen to me. My work rhythm was too much to maintain for the long run. The problem is that I have an incredibly high sense of responsibility, which often resulted in me maneuvering myself into difficult situations. Not because I enjoyed this, but because I knew it was necessary to help the customer. After 4 years of hard work, this behavior eventually led me to accept who I am and what I can (damn, so I also have limits).
Luckily the worst part of my burnout is over, and I gradually started working again. As I type this I work 5 days a week, making 5 hours. Still unpaid, but for an organization that I can help. This way I am confronted with my sense of responsibility, which I have to learn to deal with.
Over the past year, I’ve made a lot of different changes in my life, to remain closer to myself and prevent this from happening ever again. I take a mandatory hour of mental rest daily (meditation, walking, or just a nap), and I have taken two kittens. But the most important change will be found in this blog, that I became a romantic tester. I will explain this further.
During my re-integration process, I’ve come across a personal problem of myself. For example, I have been tested with the Enneagram, a personality test with different profiles, which focuses on the identity layer of the onion model (see below).
Of all profiles, the perfectionist was the one who came out on top, so that should have been me. Nice, I learned something again. But then I went on to analyze the results further. I started working with the onion model and went to analyze from which level my perfectionists behavior originated.
I came to an interesting conclusion. All the ‘perfectionists’ behavior that I showed came from the ‘beliefs’ layer. I taught myself this behavior because I knew that I would be successful in the current market.
For further analysis, I used the following question: “Why do I display this behavior?” And if I can explain it with an answer – any answer, There will be a high chance that this behavior will not be part of my identity. Your personality consists of all the various layers of the onion model. One part is your own identity, and another part is what you’ve learned (confident talking is effective to convince people) – your belief system.
The only behavior that you can be confident about as being part of your identity, is the behavior that you display without understanding why you do this.
I went back to other enneagram profiles. Soon the romantic presented itself. The romantic was said to display several behavioral characteristics which I find very annoying about myself. For example: “Always feel the urge to express myself in large groups to make himself feel alive”. For example, I personally can not enjoy festivals because I feel like I’m disappearing as part of the crowd. In addition to this example, there were other recognizable behavioral characteristics that I recognized and disliked about myself.
Long story short: I found out that I taught myself to act as a perfectionist, but deep inside I really am a romantic.
And once I reached that conclusion, I recognized more and more properties of myself that you would describe as a ‘romantic’. So know it now:
I, Fin Kingma, am a romantic!
And that’s exactly the change that I want to present through my blog. This blog is now the way I will express myself as a romantic. I will share my vision, principles, and beliefs that make me the person I am (instead of the person I acted as to become more succesful).
Fin Kingma, the romantic tester!